I was always a free thinker. I was always questioning,
researching, debating. “Because I said so” never worked on me. I needed
research, data, facts, real life examples. I hated having to show my work in
math. If I can work the problem in my head and come to the correct answer, why
do I have to show my work? So what if I solved the problem using another method
than the one taught. I hated proofs. I was never a bandwagon kind of person. I
was always leery of trends. By the time I bought into the new style, it was
over and everyone was on to something else, so I just didn’t try. I fought
against it. A little bit of a hippy. My mom always called me her “Flower Child.”
I did my own thing, my own way.
When it came to parenting, I was still questioning, still
researching. However, this is a whole new ride. Everyone seems to be on this
Zombie Train.
*Zombie Train a: going with the flow, doing what everyone else is
doing because it is just how it is done. b: taking the advice of Doctors,
family members, peers, even when your heart or mind disagree.*
They invite you
aboard. You don’t really have a choice. Everyone does it this way. This is how
it is always done. You have your baby in a hospital. You circumcise your sons. You
buy disposable diapers and pre-packaged baby food. You put your baby in a crib
at night and expect him to sleep. You don’t hold your child too much or you
will spoil her. You buy, or are gifted, all of these contraptions to put your
baby in so that you do not have to hold him. You expect your child to be quiet,
to obey all your commands. If she does not comply, spanking is in order. Sometimes
a time-out is acceptable. If you do not conform to these beliefs you are for
sure from outer space and have three heads.
I had three heads. Maybe four. I wanted to have my baby at
home. Hey they did it back in the day and it was all good. I was going to
breastfeed NO MATTER WHAT. Definitely making my own babyfood. What is this
washable diaper thing all about? Poop in my washing machine…. I’d have to think
about that one a little more. I was gifted the swing, exersaucer, bouncy seat,
portable swing, I bought a nifty little pouch to keep the baby close to me and
out of strangers’ reach. My daughter was finally here, born in a hospital, with
an OB, because I could not find any midwives available. I wanted a doula also
but could not find one. Where do we live, the swamp? I breastfed, NO MATTER
WHAT. I bought the disposable diapers because no one around me had used cloth
diapers nor knew where to get them. I did not have internet at home to know
about all these great cloth diaper groups. I held my baby for all naps, and as
much as possible during the day. I tried to put her in a crib in my room at
night but I had to sit at the end of the bed and watch her breathe, so it was
easier to put her on my chest. I slept with her at my breast every night. She
breastfed constantly. Away from the house I wore her in a sling. I didn’t want
people touching her, or breathing on her, or trying to hold her. I figured
people would respect my personal space. Haha.
Even though I thought I was on my own planet, and felt like
it most of the time, I was still on the Zombie Train. I was somewhere close to
the exit, but still a passenger. As far as anyone knew I was just like everyone
else. I vaccinated my child, though on a delayed schedule. I used the bouncy
seat and swing from time to time. Had I had a boy I may have had him
circumcised. I wanted to be different, but I didn’t have the support (or the
internet!). I was sprouting new heads with every new book I read, every chance
I got to read a blog from a midwife in a big city. I was becoming more open to
discussing my parenting practices—co-sleeping, delayed vax, homemade baby food,
gentle discipline--with family and friends.
Fast forward a couple of years. I have the internet! I
reconnect with old friends and meet crunchy moms at church. I learn about cloth
diapering from friends and join facebook groups. I buy a $200 “lot” of diapers
from a friend to try out on my still-in-diapers-at-night child. This is the
perfect opportunity to try them poop free. Love at first try! I am pregnant
with my second and vow to use cloth on him from day one, poop and all. I
discuss home birth with my husband and he is not feeling it. We agree on a
natural hospital birth with the support of a doula. I search for a doula, hire
a doula, and answer to others countless times “What is a doula?” We find out we
are having a boy. We agree not to circumcise him, to keep him whole. Thank you
God! We have officially jumped off the Zombie Train. We do not vaccinate him at
birth, nor give him any medications at the hospital or at all for his first
year of life. We use breastmilk as a cure for fluid in the ear. We co-sleep
with him as much as possible though he does like his space. I buy an
ergonomical carrier, then a few more. I “wear” him everywhere. I breasfeed him in
public—at lunch, at church, up and down the isles at target—not to make a
statement, because he is hungry and my body was created to feed him. It feels
good to be off that train. It still isn’t easy. I know we are going against the
grain and to most of our family and friends we still have four heads. But we
have support. I have my mommy groups—facebook groups and real life
meet-once-a-month groups. And most importantly, I have the support of my
husband, my partner in everything. And I know that no matter what, I am doing
the best I can for my family. And if one day I discover a new way of doing
things, I will research, question, debate, change, until I am confident that we
are doing the best for our family.
If you find yourself on the Zombie Train and are ready to
jump, find the nearest exit. Read more information here about:
Breastfeeding-- http://www.llli.org/, http://kellymom.com/
Circumcision, Intact care-- www.drmomma.org
Wholesome Baby Food-- http://www.wholesomebabyfoodguide.com/
Vaccines, Parenting-- www.askdrsears.com
