Pirate Party!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE planning parties. It is like my thing. Before having kids I always tried to get my husband to let me throw birthday parties for him, and he just never wanted anything to do with it. He is not into people or parties like I am. Now that I am a mom, I get to plan parties for my little loves and they LOVE it! My daughter had a hard time deciding between a space themed party and a pirate themed party. I loosely planned both and finally she decided about a month ahead of time that she really wanted a pirate party. I knew doing a pirate party would mean making everything since I didn't want skulls or swords on any décor. I usually like to plan for months and months and start gathering supplies and making decorations weeks before the party. I was a little rushed in getting everything for this party, but it turned out exactly how I envisioned and Lovey had a fabulous time!

The party prep started with this outfit. I knew I wanted to make Lovey a Pirate dress but I wanted it to be less costumey and more cutesey. I went to a local fabric store and chose several different prints with a nod to nautical. We also got her a crown/tiara since she was the birthday princess, but she said it was uncomfortable and didn't end up wearing it for the party.

(Just a note about pictures, these do not do the party or décor justice. My camera/photog skills are not top notch, and most of the pictures are cropped really tight, but you can get the idea.)

The party was a pirate theme with chevron print and stripes in pink, white, and navy blue. The party was originally planned outside, but the weather forecast called for 40% chance of rain and 40 degree temps, so I moved half of the party festivities inside. Usually November is beautiful in our part of the country and I always have Lovey's parties outside. I was a little bummed that we had to do some of it inside. I made all of the decorations you see here. The tea jug, I covered with leather-like wallpaper scraps from my scrapbooking stash and twine. The number and letter, are paper mache found at our local craft store that I covered with scrapbook paper. For snacks we had planks (graham crackers), peg legs (pretzel sticks), and cannonballs (black seedless grapes). I love making the cakes for our parties, some come out better than others, but I'm still learning. This was a vegan chocolate cake with vegan frosting. Cake toppers were pieces from the game Who Shook Hook and I made the paper banner from the same scrapbook paper I used for the pennant banner on the table front.

I had three activities planned as well as the treasure hunt. The first activity was the Plank Walk. My husband and I built the plank and set it up in the yard. I wanted the plank to be safe for kids of all ages, so we used a 2x6 and used 3 inch blocks so it would only be 5 inches off the ground. We bought one 2x6x8 and cut 3 inch sections off one end. We nailed the blocks to the bottom of the board in 4 evenly spaced sections.  I made foam eye patches for the kids to "earn" after walking the plank.

I used this eye patch as a template to create skull-free eye patches for the kiddos!

"All ye Pirates, to earn your pirate wear

You must walk the plank if you dare!"

The next activity was the boat race. The kids colored a piece of white paper then I helped them fold it into a boat. We filled a kiddy pool with water and plastic alligators and gave each kid a straw to blow their boat from one side of the pool to the other. They had so much fun with this simple game! Even the big kids enjoyed it.

"Thar she blows! Create a boat that you will race,

Blow through the straw to set your pace."

The third activity was making spy glasses. We saved paper rolls and cut small pieces of paper to fit the roll. The kids got to color their paper, then we taped it to the roll. They used them to search for the buried treasure. I don't have a good picture of this, so here is a picture of the pennant banner on our swing set and the picnic table we turned into a ship! Lovey and I painted the sail.

"Use paper and crayons to decorate each one unique

You will use them as the treasure you seek."

The last activity was the treasure hunt!!! The best part for me by far! I bought a really cool chest from our local craft store and filled it with treat bags, beads, and coins. I sewed the treat bags from muslin fabric and filled them with rings and mini crowns for the girls, and bouncy balls and soft foam balls for the boys. Also included in each bag was an all natural fruit strip.

I made the map out of scrapbook paper and leather-like wallpaper, and tied it with twine. I drew out the map, numbered with each clue they were to find. The clues were hidden around the yard and as they found them, they would add that piece to the map.

I printed the clues on paper I already had and tore and burned the edges,

 then tied on the map pieces with twine.

Ahoy Pirate Princess and Friends!

If you listen carefully and follow the clues,

You will find a treasure waiting for you!

The Birthday Pirate Princess will lead the way,

To get started let's all say Yay Hey!

Clue #1 For your first clue, you must look in a tiny house

Too small for a pirate, too big for a mouse.

Clue #2 Next you must find the place pirates by swingin'

And climbin' and slidin'.

Clue #3 Find the spot with leaves of green

Where squirrels run and chase and glean.

Clue #4 So close to the treasure ye all be.

The treasure is buried between two small trees.

X marks the spot so look all around,

Treasure may be buried above the ground.

We used a large planter to bury the treasure in so it would be easy for the kids to dig up.

We wrapped the treasure chest in a black t-shirt so that the chest would stay clean.

I originally planned to use shovels and hooks for the kids for dig with, but I couldn't find shovels anywhere this late in the year. My husband suggested wooden spoons and it worked very well!

We switched to hooks toward the end because dirt was flying everywhere! Also, the treasure was not buried very deep. They all loved the wonder of the treasure! They were so excited to see the treasure chest open and grab a bag, necklace, and coins!

I also made these hooks using paper cups and foil. These were sooooo easy!

 

 









My baby is perfect, except for this one thing.

Your baby is born. He is perfect. Ten fingers, ten tiny toes. Two squinty eyes. One perfect little nose. His little lips find the cutest pout. He is perfect. Except for this one thing. We are told for some reason that his penis is a mistake and needs to be altered. All parents of boys are told this! Every boy born has a birth defect, according to some medical professionals. That skin at the end of his penis, that is a defect and must be removed for his sake. Parents are told that if left as is, their precious baby boy will be exposed to more infection, disease, and possibly not look like everyone else. Here is the saddest part, we believe it. I had Lovey almost 5 years ago. Everyone was circumcising their sons. Had she been a boy instead, would I have followed the Zombie Train and had my baby boy’s penis cut? I’m not sure. I don’t remember reading or researching circumcision when I was pregnant with her. It is possible that if she were a boy, we would have not known better, and she would be circumcised. Now, Nature Baby is 15 months old and totally completely whole. By the time we had him, we had been enlightened. We knew that circumcision was not something we could ever do. We just felt like it was the most absurd thing ever to do to a newborn baby. God created that baby. He is perfect. Every part of him. Even his penis. God didn’t mistakenly put skin where it didn’t belong, on every male. He created our bodies exactly how they need to be. That skin has more function than just covering the penis. Once you research it, it is impossible to believe that circumcision is necessary, helpful to the infant, or even tolerable. If you research circumcision, and still decide to do it, you have not researched it enough. It is a major surgery that involves cutting off a part of your newborn baby. With NO pain medication! Circumcision just isn’t necessary. Circumcision can lead to other surgeries and complications. I know several parents whose young boys had to have an additional surgery at 2 years of age because “his circumcision wasn’t done right, and needed to be re-done.”

There are many reasons parents decide to circumcise their boys.

 One is just because everyone seems to do it, so it must be right.

Another may be because their doctor acted like it was no big deal.

One more reason is because fathers want their son’s penis to look like theirs. I have a lot to say about this. When do fathers and sons compare penises? Men, do you know what your dad’s penis looks like? Does it look exactly like yours? Do you look down in the shower and think, “I’m so glad my penis looks just like my dad’s.” Women, do you know what your mom’s vagina looks like? Does your vagina look just like hers? Would you have been ok with your mother agreeing to a surgery when you were a newborn so that your vagina would look more like hers?  

Another reason is because parents want their kid to look like everyone else. They don’t want their child to be different. The fact is the majority of males born in the United States are being left intact. Whole. Uncircumcised.

Another reason parents circumcise is that they feel that it is required by God. You can research more on that here and here.

Once you research circumcision, and watch a video or two about the procedure, I really think you will see that circumcision is not best.

There are support groups for parents who have circumcised their sons and now wish they hadn’t. If you have circumcised your son(s), and now regret it. Know that you are not alone. You can find healing and move forward. When we know better, we do better. Give yourself grace for everything before that. Link here.

Your baby is perfect. Every part of him! Love.

Her first broken heart: Deep Feelings

It happened so suddenly. And so unexpectedly. My daughter’s first heart break. Four and a half years old. She just found out that her very (new) best friend in the whole world had to go back to Texas. Our neighbors’ niece was staying with them for an extended time. She and Lovey made fast friends. They played well together and were two pees in a pod. KK was much more adventurous than Lovey which complimented her quiet nature perfectly. Lovey loved KK from day one. Then the unexpected, KK told Lovey that she lived in Texas and she was going back in a few days. Lovey protested. “You can stay here with your Padan! You can live here and we can play together every day! Don’t go to Texas!” She was sad and mad and tried everything she could think of to stop this tragedy. It was so hard to see her in so much pain. I suggested the girls draw each other a picture so that they could have a special reminder of the fun they had together. I also took a picture of them holding their drawings so that we could send the photo to KK in Texas. As KK left our house that day to return home to Texas, my daughter’s heart broke. She became overwhelmed with sadness and ran to her room in a puddle of tears. I went to her and she could not even speak, only whimpers then sobs were heard. She was sitting on her bed, holding the drawing from her beloved friend. Tears streaming. I tried to hold her. She wanted to be alone. It was so hard to let her go. I wanted to hold her in my arms, to tell her it was ok. That was not what she needed. She needed to feel this. I quietly backed out of her room, only going to check if she needed me when I heard her whimpers fade. Even then, she didn’t want me to hold her. She was dealing with her first heartbreak and she didn’t want her momma. As hard as it was, I wanted her to have the space she needed to work through her feelings. She emerged from her room holding the drawing and asked if we could find a special place on her shelf for her most beloved drawing. I wrote this poem while reflecting on her heartbreak and her deep feelings. For she is a deep feeler.

Your heart is broken

Alone you sit

Tears falling

I wish you would let me go to you

Hold you

Tears tears

Tears are on my face

Why do these tears come out of my eyes

Take these tears away

Put my tears back

I want my tears

I want to dry your eyes

To make the tears stop

Your body fighting against you

I want to stop the pain

I want to hold you

Please let me hold you

Sigh

Breathe

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peacemaking not Peacekeeping: What we have learned about marriage.

My husband and I celebrated our 7^th year of marriage a few weeks ago. I can say without doubt that we are more in love now than we were 7 years ago, or three years ago, or yesterday. Or even 12 years ago when we first started dating. We have not had an easy time of marriage. There have been plenty of tears, fights, and long hours of prayer. In fact, in those 5+ years we dated before getting married, there were plenty of arguments with God about whether this whole thing was really going to work out. He assured me that it was His plan for us to marry, and so we did. We both entered marriage with some preconceived ideas about what marriage was. I absolutely believed it was a fairy tale. My husband would adore me. I would serve him dinner and he would praise my cooking. We would spend every second together, holding hands, talking about our dreams. In love. My husband had the idea that marriage meant freedom. No longer living with parents, hanging out with his friends all night, don’t have to answer to nobody, freedom. You can see that our visions of marriage were very different! He was dying to hang out with his friends and work on engines all night, I was dying to go for walks and watch movies cuddled as close as possible all night. I wanted to lay out his clothes, and serve him dinner, and talk about his day. He wanted to do his own thing, his own way, in his own time frame, without someone asking a million questions. It took us nearly 4 years to work out all these kinks! Having children helped me to let him be his own person without trying to parent him. And he eventually grew to appreciate my obsession with being with him constantly! I truly adore him and he really loves that now. And he truly adores me.

We have come such a long way in these 7 years of marriage. There are so many things we have learned along the way. Here are few things we do every day that make our marriage not feel like work.

·        We appreciate each other--out loud! We try to live in a state of thankfulness. We tell each other when we are thankful for an act, a mood, a reaction, a thoughtful gesture. It is common for my husband to say, “Thank you for cooking supper, it was so good and I know you put a lot of love into it.” It is common for me to say, “Thank you for changing Nature Baby’s diaper, I really appreciate it.” Or “Thank you for working so hard for our family. I know you had a really hard day at work and I really appreciate everything you do for us.” Telling someone out loud when you appreciate them does so much for their attitude, self-esteem, and character. Bonus—this spills over to the kids too! Lovey often thanks us for many things throughout the day.

·        We are a team. We do things together. We each do what is necessary in the daily life of this family. We don’t keep score or say “I always have to bathe the kids, why don’t you do it.” We each do what we are good at, what we like to do, and some things we don’t like to do, to get everything done. When one person seems to be overwhelmed, the other picks up more duties until that person is refreshed and ready to take over. We do it because we love each other, and we genuinely want each other to be happy.

·        We spend time together. We don’t get date nights as often as we would like. We have gone on one date since Nature Baby has been born (a year ago) that I can remember and we took him with us. We still feel connected and it is because we make spending time together intentional, even if it isn’t just us. We go for a walk as a family nearly every evening. The kids are happily strapped in the wagon, and we get to walk side by side and talk and laugh, and enjoy nature and each other. Even in busy weeks, where we don’t seem to get time to talk as much as we’d like, we make a point to check in with each other. Whether it is a phone call during my husband’s lunch break, or a kiss while passing in the kitchen, we make an intentional connection.

·        We fight fairly. We don’t argue a ton (we did plenty of that in the first few years of our marriage), but when we do disagree, we do it gently, while considering the other’s view. We try to see the other person’s view point and take into consideration what that person is feeling, thinking, and believing. We understand each other, our hearts, and our goals for this family. When emotions rise, tempers flare, and hormones surge, we don’t resort to ugly fighting, name calling, badgering, or abuse. We consider the other person, the impact our words might have long term, and we try to be diplomatic. When we know we have crossed a line, we apologize. Being honest, I’m not really a fighter. I tend to stop talking cold turkey and walk the other way. I get so worked up about the possibility of hurting the others person’s feelings that I tend to not say anything, even if it would be helpful to the situation. I often have to come back and say calmly what I feel caused the argument and what would help change it. My husband will admit that he is quicker to anger. He tends to say first, then think on it, then return to apologize. He is very diligent in apologizing and is always sincere. But he will also tell you that I am known to say “It’s better to not say something you’ll have to regret later, than to say it and have to apologize.” Admittedly, I might say this as a defense to why I don’t like to argue, but it is still true. I have come a long way in learning to be a peacemaker not just a peacekeeper. In case you aren’t sure the difference, a peacekeeper does anything to keep peace, even if it means not talking through situations that need to change. A peacemaker does the work of navigating through the situation, the feelings, and beliefs, to bring change and reconciliation. My husband has come a long way in managing anger and not reacting too harshly or quickly.

·        We trust each other. We trust that the other person has our best interest, and the interest of the family at heart. When my husband is considering a work related change, I trust that he knows what is best for our family and will make the decision that makes sense for all of us. When considering a parenting decision, my husband trusts that I know our children’s hearts, what works best for each of them, and can help guide them in a way that honors the whole family. I trust my husband with my feelings and he trusts me with his wallet. (If this were a status update, you would be reading LOL here.)  

·        We remember Who is the center of our relationship. As Christians, we believe that God is the center of our relationship. He is the center of our family. We keep in close relationship with Him and we grow closer together. We pray for each other daily. We know that God has a plan for our lives and we work toward that plan by praying, studying, and seeking his will. When I wake up early enough, I catch my husband kneeling beside the couch praying for us. It makes a difference in a marriage, and a family, when you pray for one another.

·        We don’t give up. We recognize that our marriage has extreme value. We have extreme value. We won’t let some trivial thing end what God has created. We will not let anything cause us to entertain thoughts of divorce. We do everything possible to reconcile. Even in the really rough years of our marriage, when we questioned everything, we knew this would not be a marriage that ends in divorce. We love each other. We value each other. And we won’t give up. We understand that marriages do not begin with the thoughts of future divorce. Many people find themselves holding divorce papers that they never anticipated. We are intentional about not letting anything separate us in mind or in heart. We are quick to reconcile, quick to forgive, and quick to pray. We have to talk about the hard stuff—the stuff that we carry into this marriage from long before we knew each other. We (have to) trust each other. And we trust that God put us together for a purpose, and for always.

 

Preparing for Preschool

Lovey starts preschool in exactly three days. Most days she is so excited can hardly stand the wait. “How many days ‘til school? Is it just one day? Can I go to school tomorrow? Can we practice school today? Let’s do story time. Let’s practice writing my letters!” Then she starts to feel overwhelmed by the thought of leaving me and says, “I don’t want to go to school anymore. I’m going to miss you too much. I just want to be with you forever.” She is my Velcro-baby. She is always next to me, as close as she can get. I say often that if she could crawl back into my uterus and hang out for a while she totally would. Eating lunch, our chairs are touching, and she is on the far edge of her seat so that at minimum our sides touch while we eat. For about the first year after I weaned her from the breast, she had to hold my hand while we ate every meal. She sleeps next me in bed every night and crawls into my arms as soon as she wakes for hour long cuddles. If we have to rush to get up and get ready for something and she doesn’t get her cuddles, her whole day is off. She plays independently during the day and loves to be outside with Daddy, but she always comes back to my arms for a quick cuddle.

I always intended to home school her, but I know that she needs this school year away. She needs a place where she can be her own person. Where she can have her own thing. Since having Nature Baby, Lovey has had to share her most prized possession, Me. She has been very gracious but I know it wears on her when I can’t do a painting project with her because NB will get into the paint, or we can’t dance together because NB needs to have a nap. She needs play time where she won’t be interrupted by baby’s nap. She needs other kids to be silly with and create bonds with. I know she will love school. She loves to learn, it comes naturally for her. She does addition and subtraction every day just in her play. She loves to be read to and loves to make up her own stories. She also loves to do worksheets from preschool and kindergarten workbooks we have. We are blessed to be able to send her to a great school, the school where I taught all those years before having her. I know the teachers, the principle, the school board members. I trust them. I have security in knowing that she will be cared for and safe. I couldn’t send her to any school but this. She is going to have a blast!

There are a few things we are doing to prepare for preschool.

               Gear: She picked out her backpack and water bottle. We ordered them online to get the best deal and find something different. I made her cozy nap mat cover complete with one of her baby blankets for extra coziness. I made her cute cloth napkins for her lunch box and bought her a special fork and spoon. I searched and searched and finally found BPA-free, phthalate free, lead-free, all-that-other-bad-stuff-free food storage containers. I love these reusable sandwich bags (bottom right).

Bedtime: I have been pushing her bedtime up for a few weeks now. Lovey is a night owl and she loves to sleep in. I can’t stand waking a sleeping child. It just doesn’t seem right. They need to sleep to grow and be healthy and happy. But because school starts at 8, she’ll need to be up around 7. Probably 6:30 to include cuddle time, but that just seems so early.

               Morning Routine: Lovey is a slow mover in the morning. I made a chart with the things she needs to do in the morning. Get dressed, brush teeth, brush hair, put on shoes, grab backpack. (She will eat breakfast in the car, since I’m sure we will run out of time quickly and we have about a 5-10 minute drive depending on traffic.)

               Special token: I bought these sweet charms and put them on a necklace for each of us. She can wear hers to school and when she feels too far from me, she can look at it and know she is in my heart and I am in her heart. I’ll give the necklace to her the night before her first day of school. My mother in law also bought a special book for me to read to her the night before her big day.

(Her necklace is above, mine below.)

               Gift for her teacher: We decided we should bring a gift to her teacher on the first day of school. She said she wants to bring some books for the classroom. I also want to include something sweet just for her teacher and aide so I’ll most likely get some good chocolate.

 I can’t wait to see her in her backpack, all ready for a big girl adventure. I know there will be tears (mine) that first day. I’m sure I’ll drop her off then sit for the next 7 hours and hold nature baby and cry that my big girl is off to school. The good thing is she only goes three days a week so we get a whole day of cuddles between!

The Day That Lady Called Me "Supermom"

My husband and I have a favorite restaurant that we visit at least once a week. The wonderful thing about it is that they have an extensive menu so my husband has lots of options even though I get the same thing every time. And they have the best sweet tea on the planet. It also helps that on the weekend kids eat free. We have been going there since our daughter was a baby. It makes us feel at home. Lovey gets really sad when someone is sitting at our table. I’m sure she has thought of asking them to move a time or two. One day while we were sitting at our favorite table, something awesome happened. A lady, well she was in her late teens/early twenties, called me “Supermom”. She happened to be waiting on us that day and noticed the babycubes that I had packed Nature Baby’s lunch in. She marveled at them, “Where did you get those neat little containers? Those are so cool!” Then, “Oh my gosh! I have never seen a seat like that before! Where did you get that? That is so neat! What… Are you like Supermom or something?” I told her I got this booster seat from a resale shop near our house and yes, it was the coolest thing ever. Looking at Nature Baby, she said, “You have the coolest Mom ever!” Now, obviously, I am not Supermom, but in that moment, just hearing someone say those words… I felt great! I thought to myself “I’m not Supermom, I just happen to be blessed with some pretty neat gear.” Then, I thought, you know she thought I was Supermom because of material things that I had. I wish she would have called me Supermom because of my patience, because of my quiet voice when my children are impatiently waiting for their food, because of the games I make up on the fly to occupy hungry children. But still, in that moment, she lifted me. Just hearing the word “Supermom” brightened my face. No matter her reason, I felt good about myself.

 I know a true Supermom. She goes to doctor visit after doctor visit with her child. She reads, studies, researches, reads some more to try to make her child’s life easier, better. She sacrifices her time, money, social life to ensure her child has everything he needs. I do not even come close to Supermom. But does Supermom know that she is Supermom? Everyone feels that they are just doing what they have to do. That they are doing the things they do for their family because it is what they do. They don’t feel “Super.” But wouldn’t you like to hear that you are super? Wouldn’t it make you feel good to know that someone is proud of you, that they think you are awesome? Guess what, YOU ARE SUPER! You are! If someone hasn’t told you that lately, consider telling yourself. You are amazing. There are things that you do that no one else can do. To your children, you are the best. Even if they don’t always verbally praise you, they are thinking it. Imagine what could happen if we took the time to tell people that they are “Super!”

 

I’d love to hear your stories of when you felt great about something you accomplished, or when others lifted you, or how you have helped to lift up others.

Why are there so many creepers?

So because there are creepers in the world, I am not using my children's names on my blog. My daughter, who is 4, will be Lovey. My son, who just turned 1, will be Nature Baby. Stay tuned for a post about how he got that name.

Thank you for reading!

Frugalista at Heart

You may have noticed the title of my blog is FrugalistaMommie. I am a frugalista momm(ie) at heart. I can’t remember a time in the past 7 years that I have purchased anything at full price, except groceries. I don’t coupon much. I never find coupons for things I actually buy. We don’t buy a lot of processed foods and there just aren’t coupons for produce and meat. I make a lot of our house hold products such as cleaning supplies and toiletries. If I found a coupon for tea tree oil and avocados I’d be set! I am a sale seeking, clearance rummaging, consignment shop stalking, deal days connoisseur.

We are a one income family so we have a pretty strict budget. I am a shopper though. I love to shop and love to find a deal. I get great deals on the things we need and even some of what we want. I don’t shop online much because I like to see (and feel) what I am buying. It seems every time I order something online it turns out to be very different from what I thought I was buying. Here are some tips I have for saving money and getting what your family needs (and wants):

               Be green: A great way to save money is to think “re-usable”. We use washable (cloth) diapers, cloth wipes, cloth napkins, cloth handkerchiefs. We don’t buy paper plates and use very few paper towels. We re-use things as often as possible.

Check for a coupon: Before I go shopping, I check online for coupons. If I am going to Hobby Lobby to get craft supplies, I print a coupon from their website. They always have 40% off coupons available. You can also search for coupons on your smartphone if you don’t plan ahead. Believe it or not, I do not have a smartphone. I have a nifty little Samsung phone that calls and texts and is made of 80% recycled material. So, if you have a smart phone you can look up coupons and deals while you are in the store, if not, print them before you go.

               Head to the back: When you walk in a store, go straight to the back. The clearance section is always hidden in the back of the store. They want you to walk through all the racks of regular priced items, but don’t get distracted, the real deals are on the back wall. On a recent trip to Gap I bought a pair of jeans for myself for under $17, a pair of shorts for $15, a pair of jeans for my daughter for $4.99 and a button down shirt for my son for $9.99. You can be frugal and still be fashionable.

               Like them on facebook: If you are on facebook, which I’m sure you are, often if you “like” a company you can see deals and coupon codes they post on their page.

               Sign up for emails or paper mailings: I receive a booklet from Hancock Fabrics every couple of weeks with deals and coupons that I can take into the store. I also receive email deal alerts and coupons from Gap, Target, Children’s Place, and others.

               Join local swap or b/s/t groups on facebook: You can find groups for used furniture, kids items, clothes, cloth diapers, baby carriers, just about anything you can imagine. I buy the majority of the cloth diapers we use from a local b/s/t group.

               Join a co-op: There are many co-ops locally, and around the globe, that offer discounted prices when you buy in bulk with a group. There is even a whole food, natural product co-op here that I am excited to try out. You can find these co-ops on, you guessed it, facebook. (I could write a whole blog post on “How to save money using facebook”)

               Check the online price: Sometimes the price online is cheaper than you find in the store. Some stores have special deals to get free shipping when you spend a certain amount of money. Also, amazon often has free book downloads! I can’t ever pass up a free book, even though I have a kindle library full and have only read 3. Some major retailers have free shipping to the store and you can pick up your item in the store.

               Check out local consignment and resale shops: If have found so many things we needed at local resale shops for a fraction of the cost. I buy children’s clothing, new-in-package shoes, name brand jeans, and lots more. My favorite item from a resale shop is the booster seat I use for my son every day. It is the perfect portable booster that we use in restaurants and when we go to friend’s houses. I even had a lady comment on it while we are at lunch one day, “Where did you get that awesome seat? I have never seen anything like that? What are you like supermom or something?” The supermom comment might have been a little extreme but I sure liked it!

               Make your own: A very simple way to save money on items you use every day is to make your own. I make my own cleaning supplies, hand soap, wipes solution, diapers, cloth napkins, and even clothes. I plan to replace one store bought item with a home-made version each week. This saves us tons of money already. I love making clothing for my kids (and some for myself). I make summer dresses for my princess, pants, babylegs, and even diapers for baby boy. I usually make outfits for each holiday throughout the year. (No, not cheesy matching plaid ensembles like our childhood pictures from the 80s) I made a super cute pair of pants today for my big girl. I found the fabric in a remnant bin for $2.80 and used other scraps that I had in my sewing closet from previous projects. That is a major deal! You can find recipes for all sorts of products and tutorials online (and pinterest!).

I hope some of this helps you to save money and live like a frugalista. I could go on and on, but it is late and I should wrap up at some point. I can always do a part 2. One last tip… bring snacks with you. You can save lots of money by bringing a bottle of water, a protein bar, and snacks for the kids when you will be away from the house during snack time.

What’s in a name? “Nursing” vs “Breastfeeding"

So, I have always referred to feeding my baby as nursing. I’m not sure why I called it nursing instead of breastfeeding. Maybe I felt like breastfeeding was more the medical, technical term, while nursing was the informal, used-at-home term. Like patella and knee cap. Another reason I probably said nursing is because the word nursing encompasses all aspects of nurturing at the breast. It is feeding, pacifying, comforting, lulling to sleep. My daughter didn’t just breastfeed. She “nursed”. She was always at the breast. She never once fell asleep without nursing, well maybe once, but it was probably a fluke. She pacified at the breast, turning minutes into hours. She nursed into toddlerhood which meant she came to the breast for comfort when she fell down, was overwhelmed by a crowd, was sad that her cousins had to go back home. She often spent the good part of a play date in mommy’s arms, nursing, while observing the other children.

While nursing my daughter, I was not aware of what others were doing when it came to breastfeeding. I was not concerned with how long others were breastfeeding or when the appropriate (read: societal norm) weaning time was, or that there was a need for “normalizing breastfeeding.” I assumed people knew that breastfeeding was best, and while I was met with lots of criticism for nursing well into toddlerhood, I did not feel a responsibility for normalizing breastfeeding. I found out about La Leche League meetings when I was pregnant with my son and started attending meeting regularly. This opened a whole world of breastfeeding to me. I knew only a few other breastfeeding moms while I was nursing my daughter and they were the hiding in the back room, not nursing in public, type. No one around me was nursing into toddlerhood. At La Leche I met moms who were breastfeeding into toddlerhood, not hiding in dressing rooms, and trying to make a difference in breastfeeding statistics. As I joined facebook groups supporting breastfeeding I realized that no one really used the term nursing. It is breastfeeding. I realized I started saying breastfeeding more often and using the term nursing less.

Why say breastfeeding anyway? I believe it is a step toward normalizing breastfeeding. It is important to normalize breastfeeding. Saying “breastfeeding” is making the word breast normal. It is identifying breasts as tools to feed a baby and not just a part of a woman’s body. God designed breasts to make milk to feed a baby. People have forgotten that. People who believe that God created their body, still have a problem with breastfeeding. They can only see breasts as sexual and not as they were fully intended to be. I do also believe that God designed the body to be enjoyed by the person’s mate. (See Song of Solomon for more on that.) The more people see mothers breastfeeding, hear the term breastfeeding, the less emphasis on the sexuality of breasts, the more people will see breastfeeding as the norm. Breastfeeding is important—for the mother, for the baby, for the whole family. I want to normalize breastfeeding. I want those I love to breastfeed their babies. I want my children to breastfeed their babies. I want my future daughter(s) in law to breastfeed. I believe in breastfeeding and I pledge to do my part to bring breastfeeding back to where it was years and years ago—the norm.

How I Jumped Off The Zombie Train

I was always a free thinker. I was always questioning, researching, debating. “Because I said so” never worked on me. I needed research, data, facts, real life examples. I hated having to show my work in math. If I can work the problem in my head and come to the correct answer, why do I have to show my work? So what if I solved the problem using another method than the one taught. I hated proofs. I was never a bandwagon kind of person. I was always leery of trends. By the time I bought into the new style, it was over and everyone was on to something else, so I just didn’t try. I fought against it. A little bit of a hippy. My mom always called me her “Flower Child.” I did my own thing, my own way.

When it came to parenting, I was still questioning, still researching. However, this is a whole new ride. Everyone seems to be on this Zombie Train.

         *Zombie Train a: going with the flow, doing what everyone else is doing because it is just how it is done. b: taking the advice of Doctors, family members, peers, even when your heart or mind disagree.*

 They invite you aboard. You don’t really have a choice. Everyone does it this way. This is how it is always done. You have your baby in a hospital. You circumcise your sons. You buy disposable diapers and pre-packaged baby food. You put your baby in a crib at night and expect him to sleep. You don’t hold your child too much or you will spoil her. You buy, or are gifted, all of these contraptions to put your baby in so that you do not have to hold him. You expect your child to be quiet, to obey all your commands. If she does not comply, spanking is in order. Sometimes a time-out is acceptable. If you do not conform to these beliefs you are for sure from outer space and have three heads.

I had three heads. Maybe four. I wanted to have my baby at home. Hey they did it back in the day and it was all good. I was going to breastfeed NO MATTER WHAT. Definitely making my own babyfood. What is this washable diaper thing all about? Poop in my washing machine…. I’d have to think about that one a little more. I was gifted the swing, exersaucer, bouncy seat, portable swing, I bought a nifty little pouch to keep the baby close to me and out of strangers’ reach. My daughter was finally here, born in a hospital, with an OB, because I could not find any midwives available. I wanted a doula also but could not find one. Where do we live, the swamp? I breastfed, NO MATTER WHAT. I bought the disposable diapers because no one around me had used cloth diapers nor knew where to get them. I did not have internet at home to know about all these great cloth diaper groups. I held my baby for all naps, and as much as possible during the day. I tried to put her in a crib in my room at night but I had to sit at the end of the bed and watch her breathe, so it was easier to put her on my chest. I slept with her at my breast every night. She breastfed constantly. Away from the house I wore her in a sling. I didn’t want people touching her, or breathing on her, or trying to hold her. I figured people would respect my personal space. Haha.

Even though I thought I was on my own planet, and felt like it most of the time, I was still on the Zombie Train. I was somewhere close to the exit, but still a passenger. As far as anyone knew I was just like everyone else. I vaccinated my child, though on a delayed schedule. I used the bouncy seat and swing from time to time. Had I had a boy I may have had him circumcised. I wanted to be different, but I didn’t have the support (or the internet!). I was sprouting new heads with every new book I read, every chance I got to read a blog from a midwife in a big city. I was becoming more open to discussing my parenting practices—co-sleeping, delayed vax, homemade baby food, gentle discipline--with family and friends.

Fast forward a couple of years. I have the internet! I reconnect with old friends and meet crunchy moms at church. I learn about cloth diapering from friends and join facebook groups. I buy a $200 “lot” of diapers from a friend to try out on my still-in-diapers-at-night child. This is the perfect opportunity to try them poop free. Love at first try! I am pregnant with my second and vow to use cloth on him from day one, poop and all. I discuss home birth with my husband and he is not feeling it. We agree on a natural hospital birth with the support of a doula. I search for a doula, hire a doula, and answer to others countless times “What is a doula?” We find out we are having a boy. We agree not to circumcise him, to keep him whole. Thank you God! We have officially jumped off the Zombie Train. We do not vaccinate him at birth, nor give him any medications at the hospital or at all for his first year of life. We use breastmilk as a cure for fluid in the ear. We co-sleep with him as much as possible though he does like his space. I buy an ergonomical carrier, then a few more. I “wear” him everywhere. I breasfeed him in public—at lunch, at church, up and down the isles at target—not to make a statement, because he is hungry and my body was created to feed him. It feels good to be off that train. It still isn’t easy. I know we are going against the grain and to most of our family and friends we still have four heads. But we have support. I have my mommy groups—facebook groups and real life meet-once-a-month groups. And most importantly, I have the support of my husband, my partner in everything. And I know that no matter what, I am doing the best I can for my family. And if one day I discover a new way of doing things, I will research, question, debate, change, until I am confident that we are doing the best for our family.

 

 

If you find yourself on the Zombie Train and are ready to jump, find the nearest exit. Read more information here about:

Breastfeeding-- http://www.llli.org/, http://kellymom.com/

Circumcision, Intact care-- www.drmomma.org

Wholesome Baby Food-- http://www.wholesomebabyfoodguide.com/

Vaccines, Parenting-- www.askdrsears.com